There are a lot of times when you can doubt yourself. Doubt your choices and even doubt your friends. Not everything has a deep dark and hidden agenda, but some of us choose to go to that place with life. Some people cannot be trusted and don’t have your best interests at heart, but we may be cosmically connected to them anyway.
Life is a tough nut, and going at it alone may be one of the hardest things to do.
Being a very independent person myself, I rarely put a hand out for help, advice or comfort. When I do, it’s usually in a critical time of need. I’ve learned through the years that going to certain people to hear certain messages is futile at best. Do we stop going there? Probably not. Why? Well, lately I’ve discussed this at length with friends and it seems to be because we are ever hopeful that perceptions change, lights go on, attitudes shift, veils lift. Do they for everyone? Not a chance buster – but that’s ok too.
I’ve had the pleasure of making a lot of friends in my life, they represent vastly different pieces and parts of me. I am made up of so many people based on my experiences, at times I have tried to reject rather than embrace the octopus of my being – out of fear of not be accepted I am sure.
Hitting 33 pushed me into a different dimension, one where I wasn’t willing to make excuses, take less than I deserved, accept being treated like everyone else, tolerate being made to feel like less of a person, agree to shut up and be part of the machine. I woke up, I took that pill and I decided that from that day on there was no going back.
I’m causing rifts, shaking the ground I stand on and in some ways, lighting fire to my old “do what the man says or else” self. My future is bright, my outlook is positive and I’m at the most vulnerable place I’ve ever been in life.
At the end of a day where I manage go back and forth on the opinion I hold over my own choices, it’s nice to know that there are people out there thinking about me. People who find real depth in my character where I myself have only noticed a shallow, muddy and uninviting pool of person.
Today, I thank and honour one of my friends, who sent me this beautiful email out of nowhere, right when I needed it. I value every day you are here my friend, thank you for seeing what my spirit needed – without me having to ask!
Via an email entitled: WTF is in Sasha’s Future?
Dear Sasha, I have been thinking about your situation and have come up with the following silly thoughts.
1/ not sure if you realize how lucky you are. To be in your shoes right now. Think about the fact that you are one of the rare few who actually has ” Choice” . Seldom does it happen that one has a choice , at your age of 30 , about which direction you take in your career. Treasure this as there will not be many more opportunities like this.
2/ Whatever happens, happens. It does not matter what you decide because no one is going to die or starve or be homeless as a result of your decision. One gem I picked up year ago…..
” It’s not so much that you make the right decision, it’s making the decision be the right one”
Meaning, if you go out on your own new path, it will be up to you to make that the right decision, something I truly believe you can do. Again, you are so lucky to be surrounded by safety nets.
3/ review the negatives. Look at the list you sent to your head hunter. If, and it’s a big IF, they come up with solutions to every one for you, would you still want that ” job “??………maybe it’s time to do a Positive/Negative scenario that applies to a new career, a career of Raw Food/ Workshops/ Massage/Rocket Science / yoga……do that list and send to me. ( ok, you might substitute pole dancing for the rocket science one )
4/ I think you are a kind , intelligent , level headed ( when you try ) person. You have a huge heart hidden inside. I have seen you happy….mad…..sad…frustrated…..and frankly, my vote is for the happy Sasha.
5/ Values. What are your core values? Honesty….Integrity….Family…..Relationships…..Think of all of the things you hold dear, things that you can’t live without and which career path serves those values the best.
I remember the day after you quit your job, your face said it all, the glow in your eyes and smile on your face, something I hadn’t seen for a long time. The hug you gave me was full of purpose. That day, in Meghan’s class, you were on fire, you had the energy back that your job had sucked out of you. And I thought to myself, my god, even I had not noticed what your job had done to you.
Trust in your instincts, success will follow.
Not sure if any of this drivel was of much help, happy to discuss more in future.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do, Your friend, Paul